Valentines Day Outift on a Budget

I have a confession. I am a married woman, and I hate Valentines Day.
Okay, I don't hate it. But... I don't know. Maybe it was all those years in high school when I wanted to go to the Valentine Banquet with my friends, and my mom told me I couldn't unless I had a date. It made me hate that the day was really only for those who had someone's attraction, and otherwise you should feel terribly embarrassed or ashamed or guilty.
Now, I know that's not what it's about. It's about Saint Valentine who was martyred and wrote letters and all the rest of that gruesome story my mom used to tell all of us every Valentines Day. Still, I' only in it for the candy.
Did I mention that there was one year when everyone in my family wrote Valentines to everyone else and every single person forgot to write me one? There are ten kids, and not one remembered me.
Moving on...
This Valentines Day wasn't anything special, but I did decide that I would get dressed up. Heck, maybe I'd even wear lipstick. An outfit fitting for the occasion, well, that would be difficult.
I had bought a pair of faux leather leggings on Ebay about a year ago, but I had yet to wear them. For one thing, I've been waiting for winter, and for another, I didn't have a top that I felt went with them. I've searched in thrift stores and online for all these months, but I have had no luck. I even went to Kohl's with the gift card my sister gave me, but that was a huge disappointment (More on that in the next post, though). Nothing.
Nada. Zero. Zilch.
Finally kind of on accident, I found a really cute blouse on Ebay. I'm not a blouse person, as they usually need to be tucked in, and my belly is a problem area. Thus, I rarely tuck anything in. This one, however, was really more of a tunic. Also it was purple. At the fantastic price of $16.22 (it was brand new and yes, a bit of a splurge, but still cheaper than a department store), I had to get it.
I accessorized with a $3 bracelet from Ebay, earrings gifted to me from my sister, and nude suede heels that I had gotten for $7 from Salvation Army. The final result:

 

So there ya go! Altogether, my outfit cost about $40. The original retail price of the shoes alone was more than that.

Happy thrifting!

Wow. Just... wow.

This has pretty much been my mantra for the past three months.
We all have days when we feel as though we are losing control. We feel like we are never going to be happy again, and that things will never be alright. It's normal, and as I've said many times on this blog before, it's okay.
But then there are days when it doesn't just seem like everything is falling apart... everything actually is falling apart.
Participating in life in any extent has been difficult, if not impossible, for me lately. There have been days I have laid in bed for hours on end staring at my ceiling. Nothing is right. Nothing makes sense. Life isn't fair.
Dad died a few days before Christmas. I'm alright, really. We were expecting it, and I saw him last on Thanksgiving and made nice and had a very long conversation with him, which thankfully he was not only awake for, but also mostly in his right mind. He remembered my kids' names because he loved my kids, even if he didn't get to see them often.
He was a good grampa.
I could go on about the things that my dad did, both awesome and devastating. I could speak of his accomplishments and his failures. I could tell of how he was to me personally as a father. I could relate some beautiful memories. I could relate some sad ones.
I'm not going to do any of that, though.
Dad was Dad and he lived much longer than anyone expected and he had a full life and at the very heart of him, I think he was one of the most genuine people that has ever walked this earth.
But then January came. Dad's death was fairly easy for me to stop being sad about, for lack of better words to describe what I went through. Things were looking up. I was going to enroll in business school and get my life back in order, and things were going to be fine.
But on January 26th, our family suffered a loss we couldn't have expected in a million years.
My sister, Jennie, is a sophomore at St. Joseph's College in Rennselaer, Indiana, about an hour from where we grew up. Just about every weekend she and he boyfriend of nearly a year, Ian, would visit home and hang out with the family. She brought Ian to every birthday party (and with ten kids in our family, that's a lot of parties), every holiday celebration, every cookout, every movie night, every everything. Ian became like a brother to all of us immediately. We all loved him. We tried to find a reason to hate him, but we couldn't. We were determined to hate anyone who dated our baby sister, but it was absolutely impossible. After Nathan and I met him for the first time, which consisted solely of a three-minute quick hello as we passed through to drop something off at my parents' house, we left and I turned to Nathan and said, "How long did it take you to like him?"
"About three seconds," he answered. And it was the same with me. Before I got to know his sense of humor or his talents or his lovely personality or any of his numerous redeeming qualities, he just had a way about him. And I just adored him.
Ian was found dead outside his car on January 26th.
There have been a lot of questions as to why or how or what exactly happened, but answers are few and far between. It was an apparent suicide. Alcohol was involved. Whether anything was intentional or not, we don't know. We aren't blood relatives, so we're not privy to any details outside of what the newspapers could print.
That loss, the death of a guy who was madly in love with my sister, and she with him, that one hurt. It hurt worse than anything I have ever been through, whether physically or emotionally. It was impossible to believe, impossible to understand, and it has proven very near impossible to get through.
My sister, Jennie, has to be the strongest person I know. She is going through something I can't imagine and hope I never have to understand. But through it all she has remained strong in her faith, retained her sense of humor, and has not asked for any pity. She has returned every prayer for her with gratefulness, and she has maintained her composure through all of this. I don't know how she does it. She's stronger than me, that's for sure.
I have a couple of items to post about, but I am going to wait a bit. I am only now able to write about Ian, and this is a big step for me. Prayers for our family are still coveted. Especially for Jennie.

Psalm 121

King James Version (KJV)

121 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

² My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
³ He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
⁵ The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
⁷ The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
⁸ The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.